Friday, July 29, 2011

I give up

I just don't have the fight left in me anymore. I was feeling so good for about a week, but I didn't think it was going to last very long. I was right too.
I was denied on SSDI again. My lawyer said the court appeal will take three or month months, and that doesn't mean I will know then what my answer is. I have no fight in me anymore to do this shit. He told me on the phone that I should just "get skinny" and get a job. Gee, thanks. At least I am not paying you for this bull shit.

I truly have no fight in me anymore. I do so much good, that it hurts me twice as hard every time something bad happens. I just keep getting pushed farther and farther into the ground and stepped on for everything I do. I do thank Mama Trash for giving me everything she has. At least one (EXTREMELY) good thing has happened in my life time.

I just should always know that for every good thing that happens to me, one really bad thing will counter it.

So, now my Grandfather is broke. I have no money, and no way of getting a job. What the hell am I supposed to do?! I am 21 years old and should NOT have to be dealing with this shit. I just want to crawl into a little ball and go to sleep.


  1. Keep your head up Kate. I don't know you well enough to call you friend just yet, but reading back some of your entries, you seem like a genuine person. Everything will come full circle one day. It may not be tomorrow it may not be this year, but it will happen. Just continue to strive to do your best. Once you hit rock bottom, you can only climb back up.

  2. Thanks for commenting. Like I said before, I want to know real people are reading my blog and not bots. I mean after all, I have 845 pages views.

    Thank you. I feel like I am real and can express myself. Sometimes I don't do it right, but hey everyone has a moment right?

    I am trying to keep my head up and fight back. I think it would be easier for me if I knew what I want to do in life, but I don't. One minute I want to be a photographer, one minute I want to be a journalist. Next I want to work in a flower shop or be a vet tech or what ever else I fall for in that moment. I think I need to go to Finland and just be alone (with my dog) and find myself and path in life.

    I hope I can go next year, but now I don't know seeing as money is really tight now.
    Do you have a blog?