Saturday, July 30, 2011

So many things, so little time

I have so many things that I need to get done around this house. It is just a complete mess! I have a huge list of stuff to get done and once they are done, I have another one to make. It is like a never ending messy cycle.

I have been drinking coffee around the clock and barley sleeping in order to get more things done. I finished three last night, and I was up till 3AM doing them!! I wish I had more help then just my Mom, but that is just how it is. THANKFULLY, the list is stuff her and I came up with together. Stuff like wash the curtains and windows. Replant the plants (done half way, I ran out of dirt!) Clean the hall closets out and get rid of stuff no one uses. That is just a few things we have on there.

Hopefully, we can get the basement done this week. It is the biggest job on the list anyway.

Well, I need to eat something fast and get back to my chores!


PS: Dopey is sick today. He has been throwing up all day. He isn't wanting to get up at all. He has been laying on my bed all day just sleeping. I hope he gets better soon.

Friday, July 29, 2011

I give up

I just don't have the fight left in me anymore. I was feeling so good for about a week, but I didn't think it was going to last very long. I was right too.
I was denied on SSDI again. My lawyer said the court appeal will take three or month months, and that doesn't mean I will know then what my answer is. I have no fight in me anymore to do this shit. He told me on the phone that I should just "get skinny" and get a job. Gee, thanks. At least I am not paying you for this bull shit.

I truly have no fight in me anymore. I do so much good, that it hurts me twice as hard every time something bad happens. I just keep getting pushed farther and farther into the ground and stepped on for everything I do. I do thank Mama Trash for giving me everything she has. At least one (EXTREMELY) good thing has happened in my life time.

I just should always know that for every good thing that happens to me, one really bad thing will counter it.

So, now my Grandfather is broke. I have no money, and no way of getting a job. What the hell am I supposed to do?! I am 21 years old and should NOT have to be dealing with this shit. I just want to crawl into a little ball and go to sleep.

Monday, July 25, 2011

A little bit..

SO! I will not post anything about Trash Fest: Day two just yet. (YES! I am making you wait. Get over it.)

The new AC and Furnace was put in today. Then I came to find out that my Grandfather is now broke. I want to try to make some money for him, so I have a few ideas in mind. One is an Irish Flag knitted into a blanket. (Like the three colors knitted into their stripes and then sewn together to make the flag part.) I will make some other things also, but that is a start huh?? I am thinking of putting one of Etsy and one on eBay. Etsy I will have a set price and eBay can be for bid. What ever works better will be what I stick with, or maybe I will end up doing both. Who knows?

Only time can tell on that one. I wish my cousin would help out. I mean he owes him a LOT of money anyway. He is making plenty and can share. It would be the right thing to do, instead of sitting in his house looking pretty being financially stable. I wish I could help out more then I could, but I have my own things to take care of. With no income right now, that makes it twice as hard on me. It makes me feel really bad for not being able to contribute to the house I am living in, but there is nothing I can do about it.

(SIDE NOTE: I am watching 'Rizzoli & Isles' on TNT right now.)

My mind just went completely blank. O.O

It is stuck on Trash Fest only LOL! I guess this will have to be the, OH WAIT!
I failed my GED because I had 20 points to low on math, but on my total point for all tests taken, I am 180 points over the passing limit. So, I sorta have it. But because I failed my math, I have to try again. I just don't feel like it right now, but sense Trash Fest, something in me has changed. I am going to do what I have to do in life to be happy. I will NOT let this stupid test break me. I WILL beat it. I will move to Finland. I will do as I please in my life. I feel strong, confident and just plain happy with my life and self right now.

OH! ANOTHER THING!! My cousin had her baby. I saw her last night. she is so tiny and cute. Kinda makes me re-think my wanting to stay single, un-wed and not have any kids. We will see how this goes for me. I have this huge want in me to be like her. To have the house, hubby and kid. Like I said, we will see how that goes in me. It might just me being a girl and having hormones. The fest has really changed a lot within me, I think this is another thing it changed also.

Till next time,

Friday, July 1, 2011

My internet is fixed.

Seventeen days sense my last blog. Comcast sure fucked up this time!

My favorite part about this entire thing, they blamed me for their failure to include the wireless router when they sent the modem. WOW!!! Yet, I have to pay them. Oh well, not my loss.

Well, I mean sure I wasted TWO HOURS on the phone arguing with about 16 people. So, it was a loss of time, but nothing else. Same internet as before, same strength as before, same everything. Just a different box.

(I'm watching Criminal Minds and they are in Mexico (supposedly) and for some odd reason, I ALWAYS crave lemonade during this show.)

I miss Sugar, a lot. I still have not be able to get rid of her cage. My brain does not want to comprehend her death yet. I still talk to her like she is there, half way into it, I remember she isn't here anymore. I can't stand being in the pool yet, too close to her grave for me :(

I want to be able to hold her and cuddle with her and love on her. I can't do that anymore. I was petting the boys last night and realized Einstein seemed a little down. After holding him, by himself (no Poe) he seemed to perk up. I put him on the couch to run around and play and he ate lots of cucumber.

Poe is still his same old nut case, just a little sad too. I think he knows too. Do you think that they can "talk" without speech? I wonder if Einstein told him about Sugar's death??

I was very angry and highly upset at the vet for not returning my phone call. I felt like she was just ignoring me, her death and loving her paycheck. Then I received a card and hand written note in the mail from her. I really wish that I had the money to take Einstein and Poe in for regular exams right now. I just don't think I could take any more bad news.

I am not allowed to give details right now, but the people involved know what this is about.
I feel selfish about thinking of myself right now, instead of him. I feel like "oh thanks for doing what you did, kay bye." I feel weird about it. I don't know the full details about the situation. I wish the person who did this, would just grow the fuck up. (Hell, I know a lot of people who need to grow up.)

*Sigh* I just don't get it. If you wanted it, why did you start this crap?? I never did like you, and now I really "dislike you." (Just to make this blog entry a little nicer.)

OKAY, SO!! I have had several blood tests, exams, ultrasound and dr visits. I have been having a few problems I will not be listing here, but I will say that I am in horrible pain all day/night long. The pain is getting worse daily and sometimes is a sharp throbbing pain.
I am on a high dose of pain medication and bed rest. (Again with the damn bed rest.)

I guess this is just the story of my life now. Staying at "home" in bed with no friends or life. I should just give up and live in a hospital room. It would be quicker and easier on me. Less time wasted on transportation too!

So many things have happened in the last few weeks, that I don't know exactly how to fit it into just one entry. I guess I will have to do another entry tomorrow.

My pain meds are kicking in and I'm getting really tired, I will write more later.